


regulation

by chtkwn (mooshu)



Series: autistic!leo (non au) [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Autism, Gen, Neurodiversity, autistic!leo, leo centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 19:43:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7520695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooshu/pseuds/chtkwn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taekwoon's grateful to have such accepting group members.</p>
            </blockquote>





	regulation

**Author's Note:**

> inspiration came from someone on twitter. warning for slight ableism

As Taekwoon's gotten older, he's been trying to stop suppressing his stims and just let them be.

He has a lot of them. There's subtle ones such as fidgeting with his jewelry, or rubbing the fabric of his favorite hoodie across his cheek. Most of them are the more obvious ones. Spinning, humming, hitting his hands against his sides, whining, tapping against surfaces. He grew up hearing his grandmother tell him to stop bouncing all the time, his father lecturing him about chewing on his shirt collar, his sister calling his hand flapping "annoying".

Taekwoon's trying to unlearn that. Stimming is fun. Stimming helps him regulate his feelings and senses. Stimming is just another part of him. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

He still doesn't do it too much in public. He'd get too many weird looks from strangers. Fans might notice there's something a little _off_ about him. He sticks with keeping it at the dorm, or in the practice room, especially the more obvious ones.

The other members don't mind, or so they say. They don't mind waiting on him as he lingers in the dressing room, running his fingers through the soft fabric of his new stage outfit. They don't mind when he can't stop rocking in his seat on long rides. They don't mind his random spinning in the middle of choreography practice, even if it does delay progress.

Sanghyuk laughed at Taekwoon once, a few weeks after debut. He mimicked his hand flapping. Taekwoon thinks of it as a way to express happiness or excitement, had started doing it in the waiting room before a music show performance. Sanghyuk didn't know. He was still pretty new to them. At least no one else laughed along. They must have pulled him aside to scold him, and to explain about the stimming thing; or the _entire_ autism thing, because he apologized the next day.

Other than that one incident, they've been understanding. Not just about Taekwoon's stims, but about everything. His meltdowns, his selective mutism, his sensory issues, all of the oddities that come along with 'the autism thing'. 

Hakyeon is always there after meltdowns; petting his hair, and whispering words of comfort. Jaehwan takes a more comedic approach with bad puns and body gags, which doesn't usually pull a reaction from Taekwoon but he appreciates it still. After particularly stressful days, Wonshik lets Taekwoon trace over his tattoos with his finger as they lay in bed. The maknaes are more subtle with their affection. Hongbin shoots him an _are you okay?_ text whenever he starts displaying one of his 'anxiety stims'. Sanghyuk just talks, puts his teasing on hold and sits down next to Taekwoon as he starts rambling about anime or the new gopchang place down the street, and it takes Taekwoon's mind off of whatever he was upset about.

Taekwoon's grateful to have such accepting group members, after worrying all thoughout his trainee life that he'd get stuck with people that didn't understand, or didn't _want_ to understand.

Of course, he still comes across those kind of people. They're impossible to avoid in life. He's backstage at a music show when he starts his hand flapping, because their first comeback performance is fifteen minutes away. Watching the television screen as the current group performs is getting him going. 

It's noticeable, because Hakyeon throws an arm around his shoulder and asks, "Are you excited?" He knows Taekwoon's stims the best, knows the happy ones from the anxiety ones. 

Then there's a staff member, just several feet away from the six of them, that points. He's definitely pointing in their direction, and right at Taekwoon. He laughs and leans into the other staff next to him, whispering something in her ear. He must have thought he was being subtle with his ridicule. He wasn't.

Taekwoon stops. He sticks his hands in his pockets. He internally chastises himself for doing it in public, and not in the safety of their waiting room or van. It's his own fault for the humiliation he feels right now. He can feel the eyes of his group members on him. Wonshik reaches out and pats him on the back, Hakyeon gives his hand a squeeze.

Sanghyuk starts it. He flaps his hands. For a moment Taekwoon thinks he's mocking him again and his heart drops, not understanding how the maknae could do this to him right now. He's evil, but can't be _this_ evil, Taekwoon thought.

He starts to catch on when Jaehwan follows, his hands flapping wildly over his head and drawing a good bit of attention to himself as he grins at Taekwoon. Hakyeon follows after, then Wonshik and Hongbin. The five of them hand flapping, and they really do look _ridiculous_ , especially Jaehwan. There's a few staff staring and their manager shakes his head and gestures for them to stop it, but they ignore them all.

All of the outside attention is making him a little anxious, but Taekwoon finally takes his hands out his pockets and joins them. This time, he's not flapping over the excitement of the performance, but over the happiness of knowing he has amazing group members. If they weren't in public and didn't have to perform in a few minutes, he thinks he could have cried.

He does, just a tiny bit later at the dorm, as he shly mumbles a _thank you for earlier_ , and is then met with a ton of hugs (mostly from Hakyeon), promises to beat up the next person that laughs at him (Jaehwan), and one affectionate shoulder punch (the maknae). 

He flaps all throughout dinner that night, happy and grateful for how loved how he is.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it! i like comments :^) prompts/ideas/questions/etc - [my tumblr](http://taekah.tumblr.com)


End file.
